Sunday, January 3, 2010

How Can I Have a Memorial Service? Because They Are My Daughters

I have been told that I am brave for going through with a memorial for Emilyn and Hailey. My question to those who tell me that is how can I not have a memorial? They are my daughters, and deserve to be remembered whether I am comfortable with it or not. I would rather not have to do this, but it is something that I want to do to honor them. Whether they lived only in my belly, only for a couple of hours outside my belly or for ten years they are still my daughters and they lived. They lived in my belly for five whole months, and they already had their own personalities. I figure my Emilyn Elisabeth was always twisting and turning, she was going to be a ballerina and such a little girly girl! Then there was my sweet Hailey Grace that was always kicking and punching, she was going to be my little kickboxing champion and a tomboy just like her Momma was! Then they were born and they were such fighters. Emilyn lived outside my belly for 1 hour 1 minute, and even moved a little to turn her head to Mommy and Daddy! Hailey Grace, born an hour and three minutes after Emilyn, lived outside my belly for 1 hour 59 minutes and even took a deep breath so Mommy and Daddy could see! So you see, my daughters lived, for five months in my belly, though only a few hours outside. How can I not have a memorial? It's not that I am brave, it's just something that has to be done because it is what they deserve. Following are a couple of poems that I will have laid out at their memorial service later today.

Twin Angels

Last night two little angels
Came and whispered in my ear.
And this is what they told me
"Don't worry Mummy, we're right here.
It feels like a long time
Since we last felt your touch.
And we wanted you to know
We miss you and Daddy so very much.
We know that you love us
and think of us every day.
And it makes us very sad
that we had to go away.
But we know that our memory
will never ever die.
And we know that sometimes
when you think of us you cry.
But don't worry Mummy
There's so much here to do.
And every day remember
We are watching over you."
Then my angels kissed me
As tears rolled down my face.
And I knew we'll all be together again
Another time. Another place.

When God Calls Little Children

When God calls little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold,
So He picks a little rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them, so He takes but a few
To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, still, somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows will always be “goodbye.”
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind
Must realized God loves children… Angels are hard to find.

This poem is one that I found on the website of another mom who lost her sweet angel girls a few months before me. It is one that went along with what was going through my mind after some reactions I received when I told people that I lost my daughters.

Don't Tell Me

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my girls are in a better place,
Though it is true, I want them here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear their voice, see their face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don't tell me to face the fact they are gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say their names,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

My Little Angel Girls