Sunday, February 28, 2010


We have been in Hawaii for a little over a week now. Tomorrow we fly back to Guam. Our time here has been wonderful. I was able to get in many shopping trips to Target, Old Navy and a few malls. We were able to eat at many different restaurants, my favorite being Yardhouse. We were able to visit with good friends from Little Rock and high school. We also went whale watching and saw several whales, they are so big and majestic, so amazing! While Charles attended class I kept myself pretty busy with shopping and a few other things. I hiked up to the top of diamond head and saw a beautiful view of Waikiki. I island hopped over to Maui to meet a new good friend of mine. She is a fellow angel mommy to a beautiful daughter, and recently a mommy to a beautiful son on earth. It was medicine for my soul to meet her and my trip there was the best day of my trip by far. It was so comforting being around someone who understands almost completely everything that I am going through. The next day I met with a maternal fetal medicine doctor, a specialist that we do not have in Guam. She gave her opinions as to what will need to happen when we choose to have another baby to keep me from going into preterm labor again. It helps, just a little, to know that there is a plan in place to keep this from happening again when we decide we are ready for a little brother or sister for Emilyn and Hailey. Charles got out of class a day early so the next day we hiked up to Makapu’u lighthouse and got a beautiful view of the entire eastern part of the island. Everything beautiful in Hawaii reminded me of Emilyn and Hailey. I saw so much of them here, everywhere I went it was so bittersweet, reminded of them constantly made me smile but not being able to share it with them broke my heart. They were watching over me though, and they let me know it from time to time, like the time I saw the twin rainbows.

As my time in Hawaii comes to an end, I find myself dreading the return to Guam, the return to normal. What is my new “normal” life going to be like now? Will I ever feel whole again? How can I mourn them and honor their memory at the same time? How do I continue.....without them in my arms, and only in my heart?

View of Waikiki from the top of Diamond Head

Twin Rainbows Watching Over Us

Lauren, Me and Baby Man Micah in Maui

Us on the Sunset Dinner Cruise

View of Makapu'u Lighthouse


Lauren said...

Looooooved having you over here!!